Tag: mental-health

  • When Childhood Pain Becomes Too Much to Carry

    When Childhood Pain Becomes Too Much to Carry

    Every child carries things we cannot see.


    Sometimes it is disappointment or loneliness. Sometimes it is bullying, rejection, or the feeling of not belonging. And sometimes what a child is carrying is much heavier: abuse, neglect, fear, and a growing sense of hopelessness.


    For some children, the burden becomes almost unimaginable.


    Suicide remains one of the leading causes of death among young people in the United States. In 2024, it was the second-leading cause of death for Americans ages 10 to 44.


    However, the most recent data offer some encouraging news. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2025 Youth Risk Behavior Survey, 14% of high school students reported that they had seriously considered attempting suicide during the previous year, down from 20% in 2023. Six percent reported attempting suicide, down from 9% in 2023.


    The improvement matters. So does the reality behind those numbers.


    Because behind every statistic is a human story—and recently I read one that reminded me a story doesn’t necessarily end where the pain was greatest.


    A Ten-Year-Old Boy


    From Suicidal to Service: Thriving Through Faith is the story of Norman Gordon, a Jamaican author, poet, and life coach whose childhood was marked by physical and emotional abuse, neglect, and hopelessness.


    At only ten years old, Norman reached a point where the pain became so overwhelming that he decided to end his life.


    I knew this before I began reading his book. What I wasn’t expecting was the extraordinary gentleness with which he would tell the story.


    Norman writes about terrible experiences, but he does not seem consumed by bitterness toward the people who failed him. Again and again, I found myself noticing something else in his words: love.


    His book is certainly about what happened to a child.


    But perhaps even more importantly, it is about what became possible for the adult that child grew up to be.


    What Helps Us Heal?


    This is where Norman’s story became particularly meaningful to me.
    He doesn’t simply tell readers that he survived. He shares some of the tools that helped him move from surviving toward healing.
    Among the most powerful was writing.


    Through poetry, journaling, reflection, creative expression, and faith, Norman found ways to approach experiences that had once seemed unbearable. He discovered that putting pain into words could begin to change his relationship with it.


    One sentence in his book stopped me:
    “Gradually, my tears of hurt transformed into glee, through the powerful experience of creative flow.”


    I love that image.
    The hurt did not magically disappear. The past did not change. But something new was being created alongside it.


    I think there is something here for those of us who have reached adulthood carrying pieces of our childhood with us.


    Most adults have probably discovered that turning eighteen does not erase what came before. We carry memories. We carry messages we received about ourselves. We may carry grief, shame, anger, fear, or ways of protecting ourselves that once served a purpose but no longer do.


    Healing can take many forms, and Norman’s path will not be everyone’s path. Writing, creativity, and faith are not substitutes for professional mental health care when it is needed. But his story offers something valuable: the possibility that we can find practices that help us give expression to what we have carried silently.


    Sometimes that may be writing.


    Sometimes it may be art, music, movement, prayer, meditation, therapy, time in nature, or a conversation with someone we trust.


    Sometimes healing begins simply with finally being able to tell the truth about what happened.


    Children Need Us to Notice


    Norman’s story also asks something of those of us who care about children.


    The National Institute of Mental Health identifies warning signs that should never be dismissed: talking about wanting to die; expressing hopelessness, unbearable emotional or physical pain, or feeling like a burden; withdrawing from friends; saying goodbye or giving away important possessions; extreme mood swings; or making or researching a plan to die.


    We cannot always see what a child is carrying.
    But we can pay attention.
    We can listen without immediately trying to fix it.
    We can take hopelessness seriously.


    We can create relationships in which children know that difficult feelings can be spoken aloud—and that there is an adult who will stay present when they do.


    And perhaps we can remember something else.
    The frightened, hurting child in front of us is not necessarily showing us who that child will become.


    The ten-year-old boy who once believed he could no longer endure his life grew up to become a writer, poet, life coach, and a man willing to share what he learned with others.


    His pain was part of his story.
    It was not the end of it.


    From Pain to Purpose


    There is a reason Norman titled his book From Suicidal to Service.


    Service is where his story eventually led.
    What he learned through suffering and healing became something he could offer another person.


    That may be what I found most hopeful about this book.


    We cannot give a child a childhood that has already passed. Nor can adults rewrite their own childhoods.


    But healing can change what we carry forward.
    And sometimes, from the very places where we once hurt most deeply, we discover something we can offer to someone else.
    That is a message worth sharing.

    If you or someone you know is in emotional distress or considering suicide: Call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If there is immediate danger, call 911 or seek emergency medical care.


    Sources: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System and National Center for Health Statistics; National Institute of Mental Health.

  • When Belonging Isn’t Guaranteed

    When Belonging Isn’t Guaranteed

    For many teens, belonging isn’t guaranteed.
    It’s something they stand at the edge of—watching, waiting, hoping to find their way in.

    For those growing up in foster care, that feeling doesn’t simply fade with time. In fact, as they approach adulthood, it can deepen. The system that once held them—however imperfectly—begins to loosen its grip.

    And then, almost quietly, they are expected to step forward on their own.

    Not long ago, I found myself thinking about a child I’ll call Maya.
    She’s not one specific child, and yet… she is.

    She is the child who moves from home to home, carrying her belongings in a bag that was never meant to hold a life. She is the child who learns, far too early, how to read a room—how to sense what is expected, what is safe, what might bring comfort, even if only for a moment.

    Children in foster care live with a range of experiences. Some are welcomed into homes that offer stability, care, and a true sense of belonging.

    But for others, uncertainty becomes a way of life. And in that uncertainty, something else quietly takes root:

    A deep longing to belong.

    When that longing goes unmet—when a child feels unseen, unheard, or unanchored—it can make them vulnerable in ways we don’t always talk about.

    Not because they are broken.
    But because they are human.

    And there are those in the world who know exactly how to recognize that longing—and exploit it.

    This is one of the quiet intersections between foster care and exploitation. It doesn’t begin with force. It often begins with attention. With someone noticing. With someone saying, “You matter.”

    And for a child who has felt invisible, that can be incredibly powerful.

    There is another moment we don’t talk about enough.

    It happens quietly, too.

    A child turns eighteen—or twenty-one, depending on the system—and suddenly, the structure that has held them, however imperfectly, is gone. They “age out” of foster care.

    No more placement. No home.
    No guaranteed adult to call.
    No steady hand to guide the next step.

    Some leave with support. Many do not.

    Imagine standing at the edge of adulthood with no safety net. No one to help you find housing, apply for a job, manage money, or simply sit beside you and say, “You’ve got this—I’m here.”

    For too many young people, this is where vulnerability deepens.

    Not because they lack strength.
    But because they have been asked to navigate a complex world without the relationships that make navigation possible.

    And yet—this is not a story without hope.

    Because the very thing that creates vulnerability—the longing to belong—is also the doorway to healing.

    I’ve seen this in the most unexpected places.

    During our talking circle in the yoga class my daughter leads at the Boys & Girls Club, there have been moments I will never forget.

    One day, the question was simple: What makes you sad?

    And one by one, the children began to share.

    Some spoke quietly. Some with hesitation. And some, to our surprise, through tears.

    One child shared that her grandmother was in the hospital, and she wasn’t allowed to visit. Everyone in that circle felt that child’s pain.

    What struck me most was not only what they shared, but that they could share.

    My daughter has created a space where these children feel safe. Where they are seen. Where they are not judged or hurried. And in that space, something begins to shift.

    We’ve watched children arrive, withdrawn and guarded, carrying more than any child should have to carry.

    And then, over time… something softens.

    A smile appears where there was none.
    A laugh breaks through.
    A child who once stayed silent begins to speak.

    A safe place can become a healing place.

    And that is what so many children—especially those who have experienced instability—are longing for.

    It doesn’t erase what they’ve been through.

    But it gives them something just as powerful:

    A sense that they matter.
    That they belong.
    That someone is there.

    So what can we do?

    We don’t have to fix the entire system to make a difference. But we can begin—right where we are.

    1. Be a consistent presence.
    Whether through mentoring, volunteering, or simply showing up regularly in a child’s life, consistency matters more than perfection. Trust is built in the returning.

    2. Support organizations that walk alongside youth aging out.
    There are programs that help with housing, job readiness, and life skills. These efforts often operate quietly—and they need both awareness and support.

    3. Help create safe spaces where children can be seen and heard.
    Whether in a classroom, a community program, or even within your own circle of influence, safety and trust are where healing begins.

    We may never fully know the impact of these small acts.

    But for a young person standing at the edge, unsure of where they belong…

    One steady connection can become a lifeline.

    And sometimes, that is where protection begins.

  • Learning the Quiet Power of the Pause

    Learning the Quiet Power of the Pause

    —the moment I return to myself before responding to the world.

    Just yesterday, I found myself thinking about something very small.

    A pop-up appeared on my computer screen.
    One of those familiar messages—urgent in tone, asking me to click, to act, to respond.

    And for a moment, I paused.

    Not out of fear.
    Not even out of caution.

    Just… a pause.

    Long enough to notice.

    Long enough to ask, What is this, really?
    Long enough to choose not to click.

    It was such a simple moment. Almost insignificant.

    And yet, it stayed with me.

    Because at nearly the same time, I had been writing about something entirely different—body awareness, and the practice of noticing what we feel before we react. That gentle space between stimulus and response. That quiet moment where something in us softens, listens, and waits.

    And suddenly, I realized:

    It’s the same pause.


    We often think of awareness as something reserved for meditation, or for moments of emotional intensity.

    But perhaps it’s much simpler than that.

    Perhaps it lives in these ordinary, easily overlooked spaces:

    • before we answer a question
    • before we respond to a message
    • before we say yes, when we are not quite sure
    • before we click

    For much of my life, I have tried to be mindful of others.

    That message was woven deeply into me as a child:
    Be mindful of the needs of others.

    And while there is goodness in that… it can sometimes lead us away from ourselves.

    We respond quickly. Too quickly.
    We accommodate.
    We smooth things over.
    We act before we have fully checked in.

    The pause interrupts that pattern.

    Not in a harsh way.
    Not in a rebellious way.

    But in a gentle return.


    I am beginning to understand the pause differently now.

    It is not a delay.
    It is not hesitation.

    It is a moment of coming home.

    A quiet check-in:
    What is true for me right now?

    From that place, something shifts.

    We may still respond with kindness.
    We may still choose to say yes.
    We may still move toward others with care.

    But the response comes from a steadier place—one that includes us.


    I see this, too, in the children I spend time with.

    In the small moments when a child hesitates before speaking.
    When they look to see if they are safe.
    When they test whether their voice will be received with care.

    That pause is not weakness.

    It is awareness.

    And when it is met with patience and presence, something beautiful happens.

    The child begins to trust.


    Perhaps this is what we are all learning, in our own ways.

    To create just enough space. To notice, feel, choose.

    To return to ourselves, even briefly, before stepping back into the world.


    That small moment at my computer?
    It passed quickly.

    But it left behind something meaningful.

    A quiet reminder that the pause is always available.

    Not dramatic.
    Not complicated.

    Just a breath.
    A moment.
    A return.


    I am learning the quiet power of the pause—
    the moment I return to myself before responding to the world.