Tag: parenting

  • Children See Possibilities We Have Forgotten to See

    Children See Possibilities We Have Forgotten to See

    Another Saturday morning. Mom hangs laundry on the line by the big pine tree. Dad made a clothesline that stretches from the tree all the way down our backyard hill.

    I know! I’m going to bake a cake for Mom and Dad!

    I grab my bucket and shovel—the ones Dad gave me when we went to the beach—and run to the front yard, to my special spot under the bush with the white flowers. I fill the bucket about halfway with dirt, then run into the kitchen for a glass of water. Carefully, I carry it with two hands, back outside, pour it into the bucket, and stir.

    And stir some more. It needs something. This is too plain. I grab a handful of grass from the lawn, squish it up, and throw it into the mix. Finally. Just right.

    I pick up the blob of magical ingredients and pat it into a ball, just like Mom does when she makes meatloaf. Except this isn’t meatloaf. This is a cake.

    I place it carefully on a dish, pick a white blossom from the bush, and set it on top.

    There! A cake for Mom and Dad, I think, smiling proudly at my masterpiece.

    I don’t remember what Mom and Dad said when I presented them with my creation. But I remember making mud pies. Lots and lots of mud pies.

    All these years later, I find myself thinking about that happy little kid, hair up in two ponytails on the top of her head, sitting and “creating” in the dirt.

    No one had to teach her that dirt could become cake batter, grass could become some mysterious ingredient, or a flower could be the finishing touch. No one had to explain imagination to her.

    She simply saw possibilities. Children do that.

    Researchers have a name for one part of what is happening here: divergent thinking. Put simply, it means coming up with different ideas and possibilities rather than immediately searching for the one “right” answer. Researchers have studied it for decades, and studies show that even very young children can already do this kind of thinking.

    But I keep coming back to a different question.

    In teaching children how the world works, are we sometimes inadvertently teaching them to stop imagining how else it could work?

    Of course, children need us to teach them. There really are right answers sometimes. They need to learn rules and boundaries that keep them safe. They need knowledge and guidance as they make their way into the world.

    But sometimes we adults are a little too quick to provide the answer.

    Think about a child who draws a purple tree. Our adult instinct may be to say, “Trees aren’t purple.” We know what color trees are, and perhaps we think we’re helping the child get it right. But what if we resisted the urge to correct her and simply asked, “Tell me about your purple tree.” Maybe it’s purple because she loves purple. Maybe it’s a magical tree. Maybe she saw a tree at sunset that really did look purple. Or maybe there is no reason at all. Does it matter? The tree doesn’t need to be green. Not yet. For this moment, perhaps we can simply let the child show us what she sees.

    This is one reason I keep returning to the importance of open-ended play. When children play without an adult deciding what the finished product should look like, they get to experiment. They make things up. They try something, change their minds, tear it apart, and start again. A blanket becomes a fort. A stick becomes a magic wand. A cardboard box becomes a playhouse.

    And dirt and water become a cake for Mom and Dad.

    There is something else worth remembering. The children we are raising today will inherit problems we cannot solve for them. They will face questions for which no answer conveniently waits in the back of a book. They will need knowledge, certainly. But they will also need the ability to imagine something that doesn’t exist yet.

    Perhaps that is why we should be careful with this wonderful capacity children bring with them.

    Our job isn’t only to teach children what we know. Maybe part of our job is to protect their willingness to wonder about what we don’t know.

    The next time a child comes up with an answer that seems ridiculous, invents a new use for an old object, or creates something that makes absolutely no sense to us, perhaps we can wait a moment before correcting.

    We might simply ask, “Tell me more.”

    Because children see possibilities we have forgotten to see.

    And sometimes, if we’re willing to listen, they may help us see them again.

    For Those Who Want to Dig Deeper

    Bai, H., Mulder, H., Moerbeek, M., Kroesbergen, E., & Leseman, P. (2021). “Divergent thinking in four-year-old children: An analysis of thinking processes in performing the Alternative Uses Task.” Thinking Skills and Creativity, 40, 100814. This study examined how four-year-olds come up with unusual uses for familiar objects and found that young children already use different thinking processes to generate original ideas.

    Bai, H., Mulder, H., Moerbeek, M., Leseman, P. P. M., & Kroesbergen, E. H. (2023). “The development of divergent thinking in 4- to 6-year-old children.” Creativity Research Journal, 36(4), 656-674. Researchers followed 107 children beginning at age four for a year and a half, repeatedly asking them to think of unusual uses for ordinary objects. The study offers a fascinating look at how divergent thinking develops during early childhood.

    Vaisarova, J., & Carlson, S. M. (2021). “When a spoon is not a spoon: Examining the role of executive function in young children’s divergent thinking.” Trends in Neuroscience and Education, 25, 100161. In studies of children ages four to six, researchers found that younger children sometimes generated more or more original ideas when objects were unfamiliar to them—a particularly interesting finding when we consider how knowing what something is “supposed” to be may shape what else we imagine it could be.

    Kleibeuker, S. W., De Dreu, C. K. W., & Crone, E. A. (2013). “The development of creative cognition across adolescence: distinct trajectories for insight and divergent thinking.” Developmental Science, 16(1), 2–12. This study reminds us that creativity doesn’t simply disappear as children grow older. Different forms of creative thinking follow different developmental paths.

  • Play Is Not Equally Accessible to Every Child

    Play Is Not Equally Accessible to Every Child

    When I was growing up, it wasn’t unusual for my sister and me to grab breakfast and head out the door for our next adventure. “Be back before dinner!” Mom would wave us off with a smile. Our neighborhood was our playground.

    As I get ready to join my co-authors for the Brave Families Book Summit celebrating the launch of The Ultimate Guide to Long-Lasting, Loving Relationships, I’ve been thinking about my chapter in the book, The Gift of Play: Raising Healthy, Resilient Children.

    It has dawned on me that many parents in Washington, D.C., and in cities across the country don’t have that option.

    Some children can’t ride a bicycle around the block, wander in the woods searching for fairy caps, or play kickball in the street. Not because their parents don’t value play. Because their parents are protecting them.

    Some parents desperately want to give their children the gift of free play, but their circumstances make that incredibly difficult. How do we create safe places where all children can experience the developmental gifts of play? As we encourage families to embrace play, I don’t want to lose sight of that reality.

    This year, I’ve had the immense joy of volunteering at the Boys and Girls Club of America here in DC. The Club is more than an after-school program. It’s a place where children can play, belong, and feel safe. That’s why places like the Boys & Girls Club are so important—not because they occupy children after school, but because they provide something many neighborhoods no longer can: a safe place to play.

    I’ve been writing a lot about One Safe Adult. This year has reminded me that children also need One Safe Place. The two often go hand in hand. Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give children today isn’t simply encouraging more play. It’s creating places where they are safe enough to play.

    ***

    If this reflection resonates with you, I invite you to explore Brave Families: The Ultimate Guide to Long-Lasting, Loving Relationships, a collaborative book featuring practical tools and heartfelt stories from 25 authors dedicated to strengthening families and nurturing meaningful relationships.

    If you’d like to go a step further, I hope you’ll join us for the Brave Families Book Summit, August 5–6, 2026. This free online event features interviews and live panel discussions with many of the contributing authors. I’ll be participating in a live panel discussion on Wednesday, August 5, where we’ll explore Building Strong Family Foundations and share practical ways to help children grow into healthy, resilient adults.

    Whether you join us for the Summit, read the book, or simply continue the conversation, thank you for caring about the well-being of children and families. I hope to see you there.

  • Brave Families Has Arrived!

    Brave Families Has Arrived!

    There are moments in life when you quietly close one chapter and step into another. This week was one of those moments for me.

    I’m delighted to share that Brave Families: The Ultimate Guide to Long-Lasting, Loving Relationships has officially launched—and it has already achieved Amazon Best Seller status in multiple categories. Cudos to our lead author: Jean Voice Dart!

    Being invited to join twenty-four remarkable authors in this project has been both an honor and a joy.

    As many of you know, my life’s work has centered on children—their safety, their resilience, and the relationships that help them heal and thrive. My chapter, “The Gift of Play: Raising Healthy, Resilient Children,” explores something wonderfully simple, yet profoundly important: the power of play.

    Play is so much more than entertainment. It is how children process emotions, build confidence, develop trust, solve problems, and experience the security of being fully seen by a caring adult. Long before children have the words to explain what they’re feeling, they communicate through play.

    One safe adult.
    One moment of genuine connection.
    One invitation to play.

    Sometimes that’s where healing begins.

    What has touched me most about Brave Families is that my chapter is only one small piece of a much larger conversation. Within these pages you’ll find stories about communication, healing relationships, financial wisdom, courageous conversations, trauma recovery, parenting, marriage, resilience, forgiveness, and so much more.

    Each author brings a unique life experience and practical tools that readers can immediately apply within their own families. The diversity of perspectives is what makes this book so special.

    To everyone who has supported my writing journey—from Called to Serve to this newest collaboration—thank you. Your encouragement has meant more than you know.

    My hope has always been the same: that every child experiences the safety of being loved, heard, protected, and encouraged to become exactly who they were created to be.

    Families aren’t perfect.

    But they can be brave.

    And sometimes, bravery begins with one small step toward one another.

    With gratitude,

    Susan L. Ernst

    Brave Families: The Ultimate Guide to Long-Lasting, Loving Relationships is available now on Amazon.


  • A Small Update from My Writing Desk

    A Small Update from My Writing Desk

    I’m honored to share that my chapter, “The Gift of Play: Raising Healthy, Resilient Children,” will appear as Chapter 3 in the upcoming anthology Brave Families: The Ultimate Guide to Long-Lasting, Loving Relationships, set to release in July 2026.

    In this chapter, I explore something deeply important to me: the healing, connecting, and resilience-building power of play. Through personal stories and reflections, I share how moments of laughter, imagination, movement, and simple presence can help children feel safe, valued, and emotionally strong — even in imperfect circumstances.

    Play is far more than entertainment. It is one of the earliest languages of connection, trust, and belonging.

    I’m grateful to be part of this meaningful collaboration and excited to share more as launch day approaches.

    Until then, may we continue to protect the gift of play — because within play lives connection, healing, courage, and hope.

    Susan

  • When Belonging Isn’t Guaranteed

    When Belonging Isn’t Guaranteed

    For many teens, belonging isn’t guaranteed.
    It’s something they stand at the edge of—watching, waiting, hoping to find their way in.

    For those growing up in foster care, that feeling doesn’t simply fade with time. In fact, as they approach adulthood, it can deepen. The system that once held them—however imperfectly—begins to loosen its grip.

    And then, almost quietly, they are expected to step forward on their own.

    Not long ago, I found myself thinking about a child I’ll call Maya.
    She’s not one specific child, and yet… she is.

    She is the child who moves from home to home, carrying her belongings in a bag that was never meant to hold a life. She is the child who learns, far too early, how to read a room—how to sense what is expected, what is safe, what might bring comfort, even if only for a moment.

    Children in foster care live with a range of experiences. Some are welcomed into homes that offer stability, care, and a true sense of belonging.

    But for others, uncertainty becomes a way of life. And in that uncertainty, something else quietly takes root:

    A deep longing to belong.

    When that longing goes unmet—when a child feels unseen, unheard, or unanchored—it can make them vulnerable in ways we don’t always talk about.

    Not because they are broken.
    But because they are human.

    And there are those in the world who know exactly how to recognize that longing—and exploit it.

    This is one of the quiet intersections between foster care and exploitation. It doesn’t begin with force. It often begins with attention. With someone noticing. With someone saying, “You matter.”

    And for a child who has felt invisible, that can be incredibly powerful.

    There is another moment we don’t talk about enough.

    It happens quietly, too.

    A child turns eighteen—or twenty-one, depending on the system—and suddenly, the structure that has held them, however imperfectly, is gone. They “age out” of foster care.

    No more placement. No home.
    No guaranteed adult to call.
    No steady hand to guide the next step.

    Some leave with support. Many do not.

    Imagine standing at the edge of adulthood with no safety net. No one to help you find housing, apply for a job, manage money, or simply sit beside you and say, “You’ve got this—I’m here.”

    For too many young people, this is where vulnerability deepens.

    Not because they lack strength.
    But because they have been asked to navigate a complex world without the relationships that make navigation possible.

    And yet—this is not a story without hope.

    Because the very thing that creates vulnerability—the longing to belong—is also the doorway to healing.

    I’ve seen this in the most unexpected places.

    During our talking circle in the yoga class my daughter leads at the Boys & Girls Club, there have been moments I will never forget.

    One day, the question was simple: What makes you sad?

    And one by one, the children began to share.

    Some spoke quietly. Some with hesitation. And some, to our surprise, through tears.

    One child shared that her grandmother was in the hospital, and she wasn’t allowed to visit. Everyone in that circle felt that child’s pain.

    What struck me most was not only what they shared, but that they could share.

    My daughter has created a space where these children feel safe. Where they are seen. Where they are not judged or hurried. And in that space, something begins to shift.

    We’ve watched children arrive, withdrawn and guarded, carrying more than any child should have to carry.

    And then, over time… something softens.

    A smile appears where there was none.
    A laugh breaks through.
    A child who once stayed silent begins to speak.

    A safe place can become a healing place.

    And that is what so many children—especially those who have experienced instability—are longing for.

    It doesn’t erase what they’ve been through.

    But it gives them something just as powerful:

    A sense that they matter.
    That they belong.
    That someone is there.

    So what can we do?

    We don’t have to fix the entire system to make a difference. But we can begin—right where we are.

    1. Be a consistent presence.
    Whether through mentoring, volunteering, or simply showing up regularly in a child’s life, consistency matters more than perfection. Trust is built in the returning.

    2. Support organizations that walk alongside youth aging out.
    There are programs that help with housing, job readiness, and life skills. These efforts often operate quietly—and they need both awareness and support.

    3. Help create safe spaces where children can be seen and heard.
    Whether in a classroom, a community program, or even within your own circle of influence, safety and trust are where healing begins.

    We may never fully know the impact of these small acts.

    But for a young person standing at the edge, unsure of where they belong…

    One steady connection can become a lifeline.

    And sometimes, that is where protection begins.

  • Growing Up Too Fast…and Remembering How to Be Young

    Growing Up Too Fast…and Remembering How to Be Young

    People often say that children grow up too fast. Childhood seems endless while we are living it, yet when we look back across the years, it feels surprisingly brief. We are building forts out of refrigerator boxes, climbing trees, or inventing worlds no one else can see. Then, almost without noticing when the shift happened, we find ourselves carrying responsibilities, making decisions, and watching the next generation move through the same mysterious passage from childhood into adulthood. Yet the story is not quite that simple. Some children are asked to grow up sooner than they should, while others are given the precious gift of time to explore, imagine, and simply be young.

    And perhaps there is another truth hidden inside this familiar phrase. While children are busy growing up, many adults slowly forget how to remain young in the ways that matter most.

    I was reminded of this not by a memory from my own childhood, but by something my daughter did just recently. She has a small plot in a community garden near her home. The garden is gated, and within it, the individual plots are marked off with sturdy posts and chicken-wire fencing. A narrow path runs down the middle, allowing gardeners to access their garden beds.

    After a heavy snowstorm had passed, she walked over to her plot to get her shovel. The heavy snow had packed down into what people here were jokingly calling “snowcrete”—solid, slick, and surprisingly fast.

    She stood at the head of the path, bundled up in her parka, gloves, and knee-high boots. Enjoying the wintery scene and solitude, she suddenly had an idea.

    Grabbing a large piece of cardboard from a stack the gardeners use, she sat down on it, lifted the front edge with her hands, and launched herself downhill. The narrow path had turned into a perfect little luge run.

    Down she flew, laughing and yelping the whole way.

    At the bottom, she climbed back up the hill and did it again. And again. Five times, at least.

    Later, she sent me a short video she had filmed while racing down the path. Watching it, I assumed she must be somewhere high in the woods on a steep hill. But no—it was simply the quiet little garden path that leads to her vegetable plot, and my daughter, at fifty-five years old, was having the time of her life—utterly free, for a moment, from responsibility, productivity, and even good sense.

    Moments like this remind me that the child within us never fully disappears, if we’re lucky. And perhaps that gift begins with remembering how to protect it in ourselves.